Repairing A Cherished Friendship

Lovely is her name.  She and I have been friends for as long as I can remember.  We are so close we even share the same birthday.  She has been a supportive friend although unfortunately, I can't say I have been as supportive of her in the past.  It still amazes me that we have been in a relationship for so long and it turns out it's been one sided.  What's worse, realising that I was the taker; the only one benefiting in what should have been a reciprocating relationship.  I was the one that caused the imbalance within the boundaries on our friendship.  Lovely and I started out wonderfully.  She was strong, independent and just a gorgeous individual.  She was someone who would bask daily in her full potential.  Because she was always the strong one, I fell into the mode of taking her for granted.  Not paying attention to her needs, because she was always there, always evolving, always thriving without little help from me.  Whenever we went out she would always make me look good.  Never thinking of herself.  

All too late I realised how selfish I was.  I took from Lovely more than I gave.  Rarely would I do what she wanted to do.  I would always force her to go in the direction I wanted her to go.  She would always want to go in a direction that was natural for her but I would insist and push and pull until I had my way.  There were times she would protest, but eventually I would always win.  I wasn't a good friend.  I didn't love her for who she was.  Too consumed with what others had to say, I tried to change her look many times.  Although it worked, she was falling apart on the inside.  I slowly chipped away at her strength overtime.  Looking back on it, I would literally twist and pull her to follow my lead.  I introduced others into our friendship and I knew she didn't like them, but I ignored her concerns.  She would always be itching to say something whenever others came around.  She would try to warn me that they were no good for us and our friendship.  Still, selfish me refused to listen.

The Breaking Point

The constant imbalance in our relationship finally caused Lovely and I to have a major falling out.  It was during this time in our friendship that I realised how bad of a friend I was.  Just awful.  I gave so little and took so much from Lovely.  The break-up was hurtful and it lingered for some time.  It wasn't a clean break and that's what made it hurt even more.  Neither of us could get closure.  So many people were used to seeing us together on a daily basis that during the break up I would try my best to cover up the fact that we had a falling out.  I would disguise the ugly truth.  I tried so many different ways and means to cover up what was happening between Lovely and I.  I knew in my heart of hearts I had to make a clean break.  I tried to move on and cover up my hurt with friends like Lovely, but nothing could compare to her.  No one came close.  If I was ever going to work to rebuild my friendship with Lovely I had to start with cutting her off completely and all those who I used to mimic her.  I couldn't bring myself to do it.  Every time people would ask about Lovely I would feel ashamed of the failure in our relationship. They wanted to know what happened.  Many offered suggestions to help mend the broken relationship between us but nothing worked.  I was still doing the same old things expecting a new outcome.  Every once in a while Lovely would show up and we would hang out, but we both knew it wasn't the same.  You know when you are headed for that break-up but you keep holding on hoping one person or the other would step up to the plate.  Lovely was so broken she had no desire, no energy to try to meet me halfway.  I had taken too much from her.  At this point I just gave up.  The constant questions of are we mending or aren't we mending this friendship was stressful and actually made the issues between Lovely and I even worse.  I made the heart-wrenching decision to cut Lovely off completely.  It was for the good of both of us.  It was rough and their was a lot of crying on my part.  I'm sure Lovely was hurting too.  After all, she suffered the loss of our friendship and worse, she had nothing to do with its demise.

Repairing the Damage

After I cut Lovely off completely, I started to make some changes.  I started to understand how I played a major role in the failure of our relationship.  I worked hard on myself and I was consistent with the changes I made.  I wasn't sure if Lovely would hear or see that I was working to be a better friend and make her way back to me.  About two months or so after I cut her off I noticed she started to come around.  She was looking real good!  She had such a glow!  I wasn't confident that she would really want to be friends again, so I took it real slow.  Lots of care, patience and detail was paid to rebuilding our relationship.  Lovely didn't have to do much work on her side.  Remember she was not the cause of our demise.  I was the one that had to create a non-toxic friendly environment for Lovely.  She showed me her appreciation by flourishing and being her natural self. 

Now Lovely and I talk all the time.  I allow her to do what she wants.  I go with her natural flow.  We compromise now instead of me pushing and pulling her to do what I want.  I feed her soul and now she blooms where she is planted.  We have found each other again and she still makes me look good!

Meet Lovely!

What Lovely Likes

1.  Nightly massages with Jamaican black castor oil, tea tree, rosemary and peppermint oil.

2.  Satin bonnet EVERY NIGHT!

3.  Dr. Bronner's peppermint castille soap.

4.  Any conditioner really......the massages are what do it for her.

5.  Henna treatments and flaxseed gels.

6.  Lots of water and sunshine.

7.  Simplicity.

Ladies, take care of your crown and glory and she will always make you look fabulous!  If you are reading this, thank you for taking the time out of your day to stop by.  Leave a comment and let me know what kind of friend you are to your "Lovely".  Love and Light.