The Talk

I think it's safe to say many parents have a hard time having the dreaded "sex talk" with their children or even discussing changes they will face when entering adolescence.  I, on the other hand, made up my mind before I had children that I would talk to them and provide a space for them to ask questions.  In this day and age you can't sugar coat much.  Each generation seems to be growing up faster and becoming more exposed to the adult world at an early age.  With three daughters and one son (the youngest), I have no time to be a timid Mother trying to figure out how to talk to my children about their bodies.  Our conversations started at a very early age.  Being a nurse definitely made and continues to make things easier because I am used to talking about the human body and its various functions in a very clinical way.  I am always mindful however, to take cues from my children in the middle of our conversations to know when I need to switch gears, take a break and allow them to do some processing.

My children are now 19, 15, 12 and 11 and as soon as they started making those "Mamma and Dadda" sounds I started using the proper words for body parts.  Just as I would point and say finger, toes, hands, and feet, I would also say vagina and penis.  I can recall while living abroad, my oldest was in the third grade and going to summer school.  I went to pick her up only to have her teacher pull me to the side and say she had a "little issue" with my daughter.  When I asked what happened she began to tell me that she saw my daughter and a little boy playing with a doll.  The little boy pointed to the doll and said she had a "sugar bun".  Of course my daughter shouted "no, she has a vagina!"  Well, all hell broke loose apparently and she was reprimanded for using the word vagina.  Could you imagine!  I spoke very candidly with the teacher and told her that I would not be correcting my daughter as it is very important to me that she refers to her body parts correctly.  What was surprising to me was that in telling me what happened, the teacher couldn't even say the word.  She turned red, she took deep breaths and appeared very nervous and finally referred to it as "the v-word for her personal body part."  What!?  I could almost swear she cringed when I said "oh you mean a vagina!"  I explained that there was no shame in the word and I refuse to grow my children and have them use words like sugar bun, cocoa bread, box, snatch, dingaling, pony, anaconda, john, (I can go on and on).  

When my now 19 year old was about 7 she casually asked me what was sex.  I chuckled and asked her what she thought it was.  Her response was that sex was when two people take their clothes of and go under the covers and hug and kiss.  Now, was I gonna have a full blown conversation and go in depth?  No.  I met her where she was at 7 years old and let her know that she was partially correct, but that there was more.  I watched her and followed her lead.  She shrugged her shoulders and asked a random unrelated question about having cake before dinner.  That was that.....for the time being.  As she got older we had more and more in depth conversations.  She has always been open and willing to talk and I think that 's because her first experience talking about it was a positive and supportive one.    

It is so very important to me that my children understand their bodies, understand the changes they will go through and learn to embrace them and be comfortable with those changes.  I never had a conversation with my Mother about sex or my body.  The day I started my period I was running around playing hide and seek with a group of friends.  The next day I was not allowed to play with any boys.  At 12 years of age the last thing on my mind was having a boyfriend and having sex.  All I wanted to do was play like I did the day before.  That's the day I learned to hate my period as opposed to embracing the change I was going through.  Not one woman in my family pulled me aside to have a discussion.  This should not be the case -- ever.  Talk to your children.  Provide them with age appropriate information about there bodies.  If you don't know how to have the conversation, talk to your support system.  Make sure it is someone that both you and your child(ren) trust.  Don't let them tackle the world without you providing the proper equipment.  That goes for more than having "the talk".